i woke up around 8:30am, after being up til 4ish am. i took a "nap" from 12-5. pretty much just woke up. that nap gave me alot to think/dream about. my mind gave me something interesting to think about: all relationships have buttons. you have to know which ones to push depending on the situation.
reset-sometimes it helps to start over and forget everything that happened. if you push reset too many times though, it gets old. use sparingly and only in emergencies.
pause-when you're fighting or have a big decision to make, take a breather or break. don't talk to them for a couple days. if they're a little bitch about it, then let them go.
play-be very careful with the play button. with guys, you can go forward much easier than rewind. if you wanna take things slow, choose a slow pace. don't tell them you love them until you're sure that they love you back. as soon as you tell them "i love you", they start expecting stuff from you. for example, "if you really love me, you'd _________" do whatever.
rewind-don't even think about it. the past is the past.
fast forward-you can speed things up, but not too fast. otherwise, you're gonna lose that excitement you've been having and the song/relationship will end quickly.
volume controls-you wish you can mute the person when they're talking about BS but at the same time want them to speak louder when they show you they love you or shower you with affection.
EQ-this can be tricky. you want your relationship to be as pure as possible, with both sides feeling the same. if you pick an EQ layer where you hear everything beautifully, but it's not, you end up with a broken heart and feel like you were led on. don't hype things up and cause yourself distraught over an illusion.
if i think more, i'll let you know haha. if YOU think of more, i'm open to ideas.
the guy i was eyeing sucks right now. i'm moving on...
Monday, December 7, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
What's in Your Shopping Cart?
so i was looking forward to today to see, oh, this random someone i had developed feelings for. this is the second time he's cancelled on me last minute. yeah, i've detached myself big time. i took the day off from work and everything. besides concluding that men are bastards, i've realized to not put in so much efforts when i don't feel them being reciprocated. so, what can make this young lass feel better? retail therapy...at wal-mart!
note: i thought wal-mart was more practical than going to the nearest mall. i did not gain any thrill from wal-mart or its environment.
picture this: you see a young woman, with a polished look, walking ever so gracefully. what's the catch? her cart is full of the most random items. most notably, it consists of about 10 packs of feminine products (includes wipes, panty liners, and good ol' pads). yeah that's me! i really didn't need all that but i have the buy-in-bulk syndrome. i did it mostly to get the adrenaline rush of people passing by and giving me funny looks. people are so nosy. is it really necessary to judge me based on what's in my shopping cart? jeeez.
exciting day to say the least [end sarcasm]. what if we had a shopping cart in life. i would have pessimism, sarcasm (because you can never have too much), procrastination, and a heap of dreams in my cart. what would you put in yours?
i must be getting old because i think it's time for my nap. i'm feeling quite agitated. i wish dreams can be converted into reality.
X
note: i thought wal-mart was more practical than going to the nearest mall. i did not gain any thrill from wal-mart or its environment.
picture this: you see a young woman, with a polished look, walking ever so gracefully. what's the catch? her cart is full of the most random items. most notably, it consists of about 10 packs of feminine products (includes wipes, panty liners, and good ol' pads). yeah that's me! i really didn't need all that but i have the buy-in-bulk syndrome. i did it mostly to get the adrenaline rush of people passing by and giving me funny looks. people are so nosy. is it really necessary to judge me based on what's in my shopping cart? jeeez.
exciting day to say the least [end sarcasm]. what if we had a shopping cart in life. i would have pessimism, sarcasm (because you can never have too much), procrastination, and a heap of dreams in my cart. what would you put in yours?
i must be getting old because i think it's time for my nap. i'm feeling quite agitated. i wish dreams can be converted into reality.
X
Friday, October 30, 2009
Journal Excerpts
so i was rummaging through my nightstand and found the Napoleon Dynamite Journal. the following are random excerpts I'll share:
June 29th, 2009; 12:45am
Last night I dreamt 3 people died. I don't wish death upon them. I travelled to 1959 and witnessed a transformation. I then was trapped in a room with people I wish nothing to do with. Oh life, dear life...you are a puzzle. I'm still trying to figure out the rest of the pieces. There's always some new asshole.
September 17th, 2009; 11:22pm
It's almost as if I'm emotionally regressing, but not quite. I overanalyze. I'm stubborn. I'm frustrated. Wake me up when September ends. P.S. when did it become cool to pretend to have money if you don't?
September 29th, 2009; 9:13pm
God speaks to people through intuition. Accept the facts.
October 19th, 2009; 1:10am
Wow, talk about feeling shit-tay. Hopeless. Verge of giving up. Some people are absolutely disrespectful. I do with them what i do best: complete disconnection. I shouldn't get so emotional. But that's how I am. For every low, there's a high. For ever black, there's a white. I feel like a fool again; di2t il 7ob w'mor il 7ob---dakheelak, shu 3amelt b 2albi? Ya Rab Eghfirli :(
June 29th, 2009; 12:45am
Last night I dreamt 3 people died. I don't wish death upon them. I travelled to 1959 and witnessed a transformation. I then was trapped in a room with people I wish nothing to do with. Oh life, dear life...you are a puzzle. I'm still trying to figure out the rest of the pieces. There's always some new asshole.
September 17th, 2009; 11:22pm
It's almost as if I'm emotionally regressing, but not quite. I overanalyze. I'm stubborn. I'm frustrated. Wake me up when September ends. P.S. when did it become cool to pretend to have money if you don't?
September 29th, 2009; 9:13pm
God speaks to people through intuition. Accept the facts.
October 19th, 2009; 1:10am
Wow, talk about feeling shit-tay. Hopeless. Verge of giving up. Some people are absolutely disrespectful. I do with them what i do best: complete disconnection. I shouldn't get so emotional. But that's how I am. For every low, there's a high. For ever black, there's a white. I feel like a fool again; di2t il 7ob w'mor il 7ob---dakheelak, shu 3amelt b 2albi? Ya Rab Eghfirli :(
February 3rd, 2009
my thoughts are always scattered but they're not.
i am an optimist yet i am a pessimist. i feel as though i have been struggling with my inner self. it's a constant battle between extreme perspectives, ideas, and behaviors intertwining so that i can find that happy middle. am i leading a double life? triple life? sometimes i feel like there's something wrong.
i am an open book yet i am not. i want to go on top of a mountain (preferably one loaded with sheep herders) and scream. i want to write down all my secrets and throw it down the tallest building in hopes of someone reading it and not giving a shit.
i wish strangers were not strangers. have you ever passed by someone wishing you could find out more about them? have you ever met someone briefly and wished they would never leave you? now would be the time to invest in teleportation.
i have so much i want to say to certain people. being diplomatic is not an option and is not effective. i run on emotions and impulses still. i can't help it. i have been pleasantly surprised by some and disappointed by others. i have grown attached to some and drifted from others. why? perhaps it's the uphill climb towards true maturity. perhaps it is merely destiny.
i sicken myself with the scenarios i envision. i feel crippled with an imagination that runs wild. i've lost so much hope. for the world, family, dreams...i feel selfish, pissed, rebelious, and disgusted. i put my heart into everything. my heart's been through enough. ENOUGH WITH THE TORMENT. i feel as though it has been shrunken into a frail string that the devil enjoys plucking and burning.
*getting a little misty eyed* i am nearly breaking down thinking of whether to follow my head or my heart. let me tell ya, lately, my heart's been the dominant one.
i feel like giving a huge "fuck you" to everything everyone expects out of me and wanting to play things on my terms. oh how i wish to leave. i feel horrific for thinking this way...all these years of hard work in the trash. all these years of wanting my cake and eating it too...i've awaken to reality. i want to get out. for if i do, it's the only way i can put the past behind me. i need a change. something is missing in my life. something is missing in my heart. something is missing in my soul.
it's on the tip of my tongue. there's a million things i want to say but i can't. i must resist. im screaming on the inside but i know the consequences. i pray this is just a phase im going through.
we're all in a phase....
i am an optimist yet i am a pessimist. i feel as though i have been struggling with my inner self. it's a constant battle between extreme perspectives, ideas, and behaviors intertwining so that i can find that happy middle. am i leading a double life? triple life? sometimes i feel like there's something wrong.
i am an open book yet i am not. i want to go on top of a mountain (preferably one loaded with sheep herders) and scream. i want to write down all my secrets and throw it down the tallest building in hopes of someone reading it and not giving a shit.
i wish strangers were not strangers. have you ever passed by someone wishing you could find out more about them? have you ever met someone briefly and wished they would never leave you? now would be the time to invest in teleportation.
i have so much i want to say to certain people. being diplomatic is not an option and is not effective. i run on emotions and impulses still. i can't help it. i have been pleasantly surprised by some and disappointed by others. i have grown attached to some and drifted from others. why? perhaps it's the uphill climb towards true maturity. perhaps it is merely destiny.
i sicken myself with the scenarios i envision. i feel crippled with an imagination that runs wild. i've lost so much hope. for the world, family, dreams...i feel selfish, pissed, rebelious, and disgusted. i put my heart into everything. my heart's been through enough. ENOUGH WITH THE TORMENT. i feel as though it has been shrunken into a frail string that the devil enjoys plucking and burning.
*getting a little misty eyed* i am nearly breaking down thinking of whether to follow my head or my heart. let me tell ya, lately, my heart's been the dominant one.
i feel like giving a huge "fuck you" to everything everyone expects out of me and wanting to play things on my terms. oh how i wish to leave. i feel horrific for thinking this way...all these years of hard work in the trash. all these years of wanting my cake and eating it too...i've awaken to reality. i want to get out. for if i do, it's the only way i can put the past behind me. i need a change. something is missing in my life. something is missing in my heart. something is missing in my soul.
it's on the tip of my tongue. there's a million things i want to say but i can't. i must resist. im screaming on the inside but i know the consequences. i pray this is just a phase im going through.
we're all in a phase....
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