Blaaaarrrrrrfingaaarrr!

Greetings to everybody (nobody) who reads this blog.

The years I've spent watching Golden Girls has finally paid off (ha! didn't think anyone would ever say that, did ya?). I've always admired her role on that show, and her acting career. I can now officially declare my love, loyalty, and fascination, yet again, with that charismatic sensation we know as Betty. She was featured in virtually every skit in the 2010 Mother's Day SNL special and boy did she stun everyone. My personal favorite skit featured dear Betty and Tina Fey filling out the census form. "Do you need a calculator? I took the batteries out for a crotch massager." That my friends is golden.

Finals are over. Summer is here. Days are scorching, nights are breezy. I love it. With lazy summer days comes, of course, daydreaming like it's no one's business. Thinkers always think but lately, my thoughts have entrapped me into a cyclone of ideas, desires, and critiques.

I know what I want. I know what I don't want, not now and not ever. I know how to fool others which has led to me being fooled. I slept for a total of 14 hours today. I dreamt of reality and my reality is a dream...

It is appalling to be in a state where everytime someone says hello or tries talking with you, you're skeptical of them and their ulterior motives. I am in that state.

Nothing appeals or satisfies me anymore like it once has. My smiles are becoming more and more fake. My laughs more and more forced. My tears more and more frequent. I have a direction in life, but even that feels pointless. I wake up, get out of bed, and go about my day. Waking up is the easy part. Getting up is difficult. And now I shall trick myself to sleep, in hopes that I can start tomorrow anew and refreshed.

60 ways to preserve love

interesting note i stumbled upon titled: 60 ways to preserve the love of your wife, guaranteed (from an islamic perspective)

"And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Salihun (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves)."
Quran 24:32

Prophet (saw) said 'I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife.'

"The most perfect of the believers is the best of you in character, and the best of you are those among you who are best to their wives."



AsalamuAlikum,

Please share this email with all brothers (and sisters as many are unaware of how they should be treated), especially those who are married or intending to marry. There are many brothers who treat their wives worse than they would treat a servant, by oppressing them, abusing them both mentally and physically, and in general treating them in the most despicable manner. This is against the teachings of Islam, against the laws set by Allah (swt) and they will be held accountable on the day of judgments for their actions.

The 60 advice below are from the sunnah and continually reiterates that the wife should be treated like a fragile vessel. Please read this carefully and incorporate into your marriage and insha'Allah there will be great blessings in your life and the Mercy of Allah (swt) will be upon you.



60 WAYS TO KEEP THE LOVE OF YOUR WIFE - GUARANTEED!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOlqBIpnPPc&feature=related


1.Make her feel secure; (sakina- tranquility) QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE

2. When you go home say 'Assalmualikum. ' It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!

3. Prophet (saw) described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel that’s fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.

4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as it’s a type of slandering.

5. Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED

6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.

7. AVOID ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudu at all times. Prophet saw said if your angry, sit down, if you’re sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!

8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!

9. Don’t be rigid. It will break you. Prophet (saw) said 'I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife'. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.

10. Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER

11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. Al zawai said 'When Allah (swt) wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves'.

12. Prophet (saw) said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet (saw) called Aisha 'ya Aish' as an endearment.

13. Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.

14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet (saw) said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!

15. All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah (swt) will put barakh in your marriage.

16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.

17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relative, her mum and dad etc.

18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.

19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/realize that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.

20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Prophet (saw) said gifts increases love.

21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!

22. Husnul zaan- We have a demand from Allah (swt) that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.

23. Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. It was a practice of Ali (RA). It’s like putting a hole in your memory. Don’t save it in your memory!

24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.

25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (ra) used to get jealous.

26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your successes.

27. Don't put your friends above your wife.

28. Help your wife at home. Prophet (saw) used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.

29. Help her respect your parents, you can’t force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.

30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.

31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.

32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It’s not your business. The past is for Allah (swt).

33. Don't try to show her that you are doing her a favor by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. It’s also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah (swt)

34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say i have made a person steal, or i have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say i have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.

35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet (saw) taught us this. It’s a blessing. The food doesn’t just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.

36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devils and shaitaan.

37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT’S A CHARITY.

38. Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn't like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don’t ignore them as it can become big.

39. Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of prophet (saw) 'if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.' It confirms prophet (saw) was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.

40. Respect her thinking. It’s strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.

41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.

42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. Prophet (saw) said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.

43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah (swt).

44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.

45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.

46. Let her know you are traveling. Don't tell her out of the blue as it’s against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.

47. Don't leave the house as soon as trouble brews.

48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.

49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together,or go to a dars together etc.

50. Know her rights, not only written in paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.

51. Allah( swt) said 'live with your wives in kindness.' Treat them with kindness and goodness. It means in happy times and in sadness treat her with goodness and fairness.

52. Prophet (saw) showed that there is a messenger at the time of intimacy which is foreplay. Don’t jump on your wife like an animal!

53. When you have a dispute with your wife don’t tell everyone. It’s like leaving your wounds open to germs so be careful who you share your problems and disputes with.

54. Show your wife you really care for her health. Good health of your wife is your good health. To care for her health shows her that you love her.

55. Don’t think you are always right. No matter how good you are you have shortcomings. You are not perfect as the only one who was perfect in character was prophet (saw). Get rid of this disease.

56. Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.

57. Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy when she is weak or strong as she is the fragile vessel. Prophet (saw) said that your wife is a trust in your hand.

58. Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship.

59. Accept her as she is. Prophet (saw) said that women are created from the rib which is bent. If you try to straighten her you will break her (divorce). Prophet (saw) said that you may dislike one habit in her but you will like another manner in her so accept her as she is.

60. Have good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times. Allah (s.w.t) said Among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.

May Allah (swt) fill your homes and heart with tranquility, love and mercy. Ameen!

Depletion

I have to say that this week (Sunday, January 24th-Saturday, January 31st, 2010) was quite possibly one of the worst, most ridiculous weeks I've ever had. Say wallah? Wallah!

I'm teetering between fantasy and reality. It's a dance that one must perfect or else face horrendous consequences. I must have both in order to be sane yet practical, though it may seem somewhat paradoxical. Both extremes will neutralize internally.

On Vednesday with a "V", my lovely vehicle decided to shut off on me as I was merging from the highway to the feeder (aka service road). Just my luck, right? But, by the Grace of His Mercy, I made it to and fro alright. All is fixed for the time being...

My car gave up on me. I almost gave up on it. People have given up on me and I have given up on them, indefinitely. Disconnection is like a rejuvenating re-birth. Sometimes, it absolutely must be done. You fix the problem, by whatever means necessary, and continue on.

I kicked off a diet a couple days ago. I did it not so much to lose an excessive amount of weight but more so to detox and keep healthy. I don't know how else to say this without sounding like a complete and utter hippie, but it's brought about some great energy.

I love surprises and I hate surprises. I would argue that in some cases, ignorance is truly bliss. If I allow myself to be ruled by reality, I probably would be an even more unhappy person. I have lost faith in humanity and trust very few, if at all.

I have no clue what I've been doing lately, honestly. I have been oversleeping alot lately. Quite frankly, I look forward to sleeping and escaping this astringent, unsatisfying life. There are exponentially more losses than gains. Just my luck.

Layla Tov.

The Accident

Today, I had my first (and i hope the last) car accident. I don't think my senses have ever reached a height it did like this morning. What's funny is that I almost felt it coming, as though I had warning signs.

I woke up, had everything ready to go, and left fairly on time. As I was leaving, my mother told me to "text when you get to campus safely". I drive an hour and a half each way, and have been doing so for a while. I felt weird when she said that because she doesn't usually say that unless I go somewhere new. I casually said "ok" and went out the door.

I was driving along listening to religious hymns (anasheed) and Holy recitations of the Qur'an, as I do each morning. Somehow, it's like a security blanket for me. I'm not the most religious person but when you drive 3 hours round trip, you have alot of time to think, reflect, ponder, etc. I try to make it somewhat spiritual. Somehow today felt funny. I felt like I needed more help/security...I was looking at each driver that passed and that was behind me just to be aware of my surroundings, so to speak.

"Text me when you get to campus safely..." randomly went off in my head.

I get to the stoplight where I would make a left to enter the highway. A 1998 crown victoria pulled up behind me, waiting to make a left also. In front of me was like a miniature pick-up truck for midgets with all kinds of poles and construction gear in the bed. I'm sitting and for whatever reason, look in the rear-view mirror. I see 2 men and got a weird vibe from them. It's so hard to describe but if I had to pick a word that came to mind after looking at them, it would be "danger".

Light turned green...

I'm crawling forward, easing my foot of the break, getting ready to accelerate. God knows why, but some person in the front of the line stopped or slowed down abruptly. I was probably the 5th car in line. It was a chain reaction. The guy in front of me slammed his break, I slammed mine to avoid running into him...

----

The car behind me slammed me from behind. It was a loud popping noise where I literally felt the car shake. I pulled over, in shock. I had my seatbelt on so thankfully the impact didn't make me slip forward too much, risking hitting myself on like the steering wheel. I put my hazard lights on and sat in shock.

All I hear is the clicking noise of my hazard lights, the Qur'an (surah "ya-sin") in the background, and the last thing my mom told me "text me when you get to campus safely". I finally pulled myself together and walked to the back of my car to examine the damage. I am so thankful God protected me the way He did. It could have been alot worse. I stared at my shattered, dented, scuffed, cracked, unhinged bumper...the back, passenger side door had a huge dent in the middle. Seeing all of that set off a plethora of emotion within me. I sat in my car, tearing up, knowing very well what could have happened and how thankful I am to be okay. I'm usually one to exaggerate but when I was describing it on the phone to my family and when they saw it in person, it turned out i made it seem less than what it was. We did the exchange process blah blah blah...

I somehow was able to drive my car to school and make it safely, as my mom wished. Most of the drive consisted of tears running down my face continuously. I was not ready to let go of what I had just experienced. It's like they always say: "it happens so quick". I skipped my first class, went to the next, unable to concentrate. The scene kept replaying in my head. I pieced together the hunches I had that something bad was going to happen or rather, that I sensed danger.

I am so thankful to be alright. I know this happened for a reason. My head's been spinning all day. I even went to work after all of that and still went back to those thoughts.

I pray something good will come from all of this.

Buttons

i woke up around 8:30am, after being up til 4ish am. i took a "nap" from 12-5. pretty much just woke up. that nap gave me alot to think/dream about. my mind gave me something interesting to think about: all relationships have buttons. you have to know which ones to push depending on the situation.

reset-sometimes it helps to start over and forget everything that happened. if you push reset too many times though, it gets old. use sparingly and only in emergencies.

pause-when you're fighting or have a big decision to make, take a breather or break. don't talk to them for a couple days. if they're a little bitch about it, then let them go.

play-be very careful with the play button. with guys, you can go forward much easier than rewind. if you wanna take things slow, choose a slow pace. don't tell them you love them until you're sure that they love you back. as soon as you tell them "i love you", they start expecting stuff from you. for example, "if you really love me, you'd _________" do whatever.

rewind-don't even think about it. the past is the past.

fast forward-you can speed things up, but not too fast. otherwise, you're gonna lose that excitement you've been having and the song/relationship will end quickly.

volume controls-you wish you can mute the person when they're talking about BS but at the same time want them to speak louder when they show you they love you or shower you with affection.

EQ-this can be tricky. you want your relationship to be as pure as possible, with both sides feeling the same. if you pick an EQ layer where you hear everything beautifully, but it's not, you end up with a broken heart and feel like you were led on. don't hype things up and cause yourself distraught over an illusion.

if i think more, i'll let you know haha. if YOU think of more, i'm open to ideas.

the guy i was eyeing sucks right now. i'm moving on...

What's in Your Shopping Cart?

so i was looking forward to today to see, oh, this random someone i had developed feelings for. this is the second time he's cancelled on me last minute. yeah, i've detached myself big time. i took the day off from work and everything. besides concluding that men are bastards, i've realized to not put in so much efforts when i don't feel them being reciprocated. so, what can make this young lass feel better? retail therapy...at wal-mart!

note: i thought wal-mart was more practical than going to the nearest mall. i did not gain any thrill from wal-mart or its environment.

picture this: you see a young woman, with a polished look, walking ever so gracefully. what's the catch? her cart is full of the most random items. most notably, it consists of about 10 packs of feminine products (includes wipes, panty liners, and good ol' pads). yeah that's me! i really didn't need all that but i have the buy-in-bulk syndrome. i did it mostly to get the adrenaline rush of people passing by and giving me funny looks. people are so nosy. is it really necessary to judge me based on what's in my shopping cart? jeeez.

exciting day to say the least [end sarcasm]. what if we had a shopping cart in life. i would have pessimism, sarcasm (because you can never have too much), procrastination, and a heap of dreams in my cart. what would you put in yours?

i must be getting old because i think it's time for my nap. i'm feeling quite agitated. i wish dreams can be converted into reality.

X

Journal Excerpts

so i was rummaging through my nightstand and found the Napoleon Dynamite Journal. the following are random excerpts I'll share:

June 29th, 2009; 12:45am

Last night I dreamt 3 people died. I don't wish death upon them. I travelled to 1959 and witnessed a transformation. I then was trapped in a room with people I wish nothing to do with. Oh life, dear life...you are a puzzle. I'm still trying to figure out the rest of the pieces. There's always some new asshole.

September 17th, 2009; 11:22pm

It's almost as if I'm emotionally regressing, but not quite. I overanalyze. I'm stubborn. I'm frustrated. Wake me up when September ends. P.S. when did it become cool to pretend to have money if you don't?

September 29th, 2009; 9:13pm

God speaks to people through intuition. Accept the facts.

October 19th, 2009; 1:10am

Wow, talk about feeling shit-tay. Hopeless. Verge of giving up. Some people are absolutely disrespectful. I do with them what i do best: complete disconnection. I shouldn't get so emotional. But that's how I am. For every low, there's a high. For ever black, there's a white. I feel like a fool again; di2t il 7ob w'mor il 7ob---dakheelak, shu 3amelt b 2albi? Ya Rab Eghfirli :(